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Kristina Millner

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The Big DaySeptember 4, 2021
The big day is here.

My emotions are all over the place! Life is crazy, my hormones are off the charts, and I am lonely.

The Good

I am starting to get the hang of this non-eating thing! I am settling in with my routine of logging my fluids, scheduling all my medications, and setting reminders to make sure I get enough exercise.

I am feeling good. People are starting to notice. I have had a couple people tell me they can see the weight-loss. But more importantly I am starting to see a difference in my day-to-day life. I have more slack in my seat belt. I can reach my feet so much easier. I am wearing almost one size smaller.

I have tried to come into this with a certain mindset that I feel will set me up for success. I don’t want to be that person that looks in the mirror and still sees a fat girl. To try to avoid that I have set way more non-scale goals than scale goals. For me its about living my life. If I can exercise, do more with my kids, buy normal size clothes, and ride a roller coaster then I don’t care what the scale says. Its not about a number for me, its about living the life that my overweight body has prevented me from living.

The Not so Good

Don’t worry, I am not about to get all negative on you, but I also promised myself that I would not paint a picture of perfection.

OMG! This is so hard. I suppose if I lived alone the food part might be easier. I have 3 kids at home, 2 of which I have to still cook for. The food smells so good. I haven’t chewed food in over 13 days! I don’t want to emotionally eat, I just want something that tastes good and I want to chew something.

My days are filled with food logs, protein shakes, pills, and water. Now that I am on phase 2 of my diet I can have some additional things like light Greek yogurt, low fat creamed soups, and unsweetened applesauce. I even cooked a butternut squash and made my own soup out of it by blending it with a dash of heavy cream and low sodium chicken broth. Its actually very delicious.

I am still working on getting my energy back and for some reason I feel depressed. I am sure it is my hormones out of whack and I can thank COVID for some of it. I am lonely. We rarely get visitors. I think most people are still scared to go to peoples houses. I just need a friend. I have some friends, but I want a ride or die friend. Someone who would want to hang out once in a while. I know I am busy, but part of my self care is having friends and getting away from the kids once in a while to do something for myself.

I know I have to find ways to cope with the situation at hand. One thing is now that school is back in session I am getting the little kids to bed earlier. Now its 8:30 for the 6 yr old and 9:00 for the 8 yr old. I think (shsss don’t tell them) that I will be backing that up even earlier here shortly. When my twins were little they had ridiculously early bedtimes. It was healthy for them and emotionally healthy for me. It’s my only time of the day I get my me time. I am feeling some better now that I am getting that time. Some nights I watch TV, some times I clean and some times I blog and work on my food journal. It’s all very therapeutic for me and makes me happy!

Tomorrow I will give you a sample day for me and what I do from morning to night in regards to my eating, taking my meds, and exercising. Stay tuned.

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