The Art of Kintsugi
As we march through this life and we are beat down it is hard not to feel flawed and damaged. I think it is easy to be heavy laden with thoughts that we can never recover because of our flaws and our scars. Some scars are physical, but most are emotional and deep within our soul. No matter how deep though, they feel as if they are just on the surface for all to see. These feelings are real, but time and some healing helps us to see them differently.
In Japan there is art of repairing damaged pottery with gold. This allows the pottery to once again to be functional and no longer broken, but it flaws are now highlighted in beautiful gold. The flaws repaired with gold now make the pottery more valuable than it was in its original state. We need to see ourselves the same way. Trials and tribulations only make us stronger and more valuable. Obviously value isn’t monetary, but valuable in many other ways. If we weather the trials and are able to look back and figure out how you grew or what you were trying to be taught, then you are that much wiser. It is hard in the moment to understand why you are suffering through a specific trial, but please know that there is a silver lining to each and every one. So much of what I endured was difficult and hard to see the why. Through counseling I learned that sometimes it takes a long time to truly know what we are supposed to learn so I learned to give “purpose to my pain”. I gave my trials purpose. Even if it was something small, it helped until I was able to learn later what the true purpose of my trials were. For example, looking back over my marriage, I wondered why I was given that trial. All I ever wanted was to be married and love my husband with all my heart. All I got was a broken heart because he treated me so bad. I wondered why. Why me when I knew I was a good, loving wife. At the time I needed to know why and I couldn’t figure it out so I told myself that at the very least I would now judge people even less. On the outside our family and my marriage seemed to be perfect, but in the walls of our home it was miserable. I will NEVER look at any family and assume they are perfect. Doesn’t mean I go around assuming that they are miserable, but I recognize that I need to love every sister I meet because I don’t know what they may be going through in their personal lives. Now that there is time and separation from my marriage I have learned of other possible ways that I have learned and grown from my trials. I think one of them is that I needed to learn how to stand up for myself and believe in myself. No one, not even a husband, can help someone who doesn’t love themselves first. I also believe that things got as bad as they did because I didn’t stand up for myself and my kids. I am in no way taking blame, but if I had put my foot down and stopped leaving him and going back then things may have been different. I am sure there are other things that I will keep learning from those trials.
Understanding that there are lessons to be learned and that we are strengthened by our trials will help you to see the gold in your flaws. You need to know that when you know these things that you are more valuable and your self worth is great in your eyes as well as the eyes of the Lord. Even if you are not religious, know that you are valuable to those around you. When you understand the why of trials it will help you to hold your head high and know that you survived and grew in some way. You took a broken you and repaired your flaws and scars with gold that shines brightly!
Weight and Exercise Update
I decided to add in the next weeks goal for my weight loss. Doing another 4 lbs will get me at 60 lbs lost! I had tears in my eyes to think that I will have lost 60 lbs by next week and that I am on the down-slope of the 300’s! Yall, you will hear me all the way from SC when I hit 299! I may even have to record that happy dance and post it! Also, look at my BMI. I will have dropped 10 points on my BMI. That is huge. Up through this week I am averaging 5 lbs a week. If I was to just lose 2 lbs a week until my 1 year anniversary I will have lost 146 lbs total. That would be a dream! I would weight 259! OK, I know I am getting ahead of myself, but excitement set in!
I am still struggling with exercise. I am not giving up, but life is just so hectic and I did get sick again. My kids gave me the crud! I am not sure where my motivation went. I am aware of my need to get my steps up so I am doing things to help increase them, but its just not enough. If you have any tips for me as a single mom on how to get more steps in, please do share! My kids are one by one getting back to school 5 days a week face to face so I think that will help me to get some more exercise in during the week days since they will be in school and I can take my lunch break to walk or exercise.
I got this!