I had my counseling appointment yesterday. I had a few small things to talk about that had caused me a little grief, but by talking to her about them I realized I had already resolved them. That was a wonderful feeling. In the past things would bothered me and bothered me and bothered me and then I would get depressed and more depressed and angry. I am happy that my “bothered by” period on this last issue was about 24 hrs and then I realized that it was messing up my happy. I can’t control what others do. I am only in control of MY life and I had to choose to accept that persons position on something and move on. Wow, what an amazing feeling that was to know I could much easier and much sooner move on and go back to being happy!
Of the few people that have seen me (thanks COVID) they are always so complimentary and tell me how wonderful I look. OK, I am not going to lie, I LOVE compliments. It’s a motivator for me and well, it just makes me feel good. But what people either can’t see or don’t talk about is how I FEEL. Physically I feel so much better that I can’t even fathom how good I will feel when I lose another 60+ lbs. But more than the physical side of feeling better, I am SO MUCH HAPPIER!
I told my counselor (as tears welled up in my eyes) how sad it was to have lost so much of my life to being fat. That I feel that being fat made me unhappy, or at least more unhappier than I already was. Constant pain made me more depressed. Then when I couldn’t move much I got more depressed. It was a dangerous slippery slope that I was on and it was slowly killing me. It was almost like mourning my old life which, if you think about it, is a good thing. Mourning is a step to healing. It’s a step in the direction of closing that chapter of your life so that it doesn’t openly affect the present. I will never forget, but what I will do is use the memories to keep me motivated to keep working hard to stay on the path to the best me that I can be. To be the best me that Heavenly Father KNOWS that I can be.
I ran across this picture today and I felt like I could relate to it. The way I see it is that is me on the top. I am not being the queen over people, but rather I see it as me being lifted up by people in my life that love and support me. I believe that we can’t get through life without people like this to help lift us up. We must weed out people that inject negativity in our lives. Weeding out doesn’t always mean that they can’t be in our lives, but rather setting boundaries to protect yourself and your happiness. Boundaries are crucial if you want to be happy. (see my previous post about boundaries. https://myjourneytothemountain.com/2020/07/14/i-have-a-love-hate-relationship-with-boundaries/)
So, overall, I am happy. That doesn’t mean I am perfectly happy, but what it means is that my outlook on life is so much more positive. I am able to cope in healthy ways when trials do come before me. I am able to not let things get me off course. I have my eye firmly planted on who and where I want to be. Thanks to everyone that help keep me on the straight and narrow!