Well, I opened up a new chapter to my life this week. I knew from a physical fitness side of things that I needed to do more. At the end of last year I signed up to participate in a boot camp. Then COVID struck and I had to delay until I was fully recovered. So, after much anticipation I finally started this week. I have done two classes so far. I plan on doing it 3 times a week in the beginning. I generally know my limits, so I am starting out at a reasonable pace with the 3 days a week.
Tuesday was my first day. Did I mention the class is at 5:30AM? I was definitely scared and nervous. The group setting is intimidating yet pushes you to do more. I know FOR SURE I could never do on my own what I do in class. Peer pressure! This time it’s a good thing. I have had many firsts for me in just the first class. Due to the weight I have not sat on the floor in SOOOO long. Like, I seriously can not think of the last time I sat on the floor. I didn’t do this because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get up! When she started explaining the exercises and I realized I would need to get on the floor and back up all while other people would see me I had a mini heart attack! But I attacked it and conquered it. I was much slower than everyone else, but I am not letting that bother me. I mean heck, I got down and up off the floor multiples times in 30 mins and I was able to do it. I legit broke a sweat. I know there were times in the workout that I thought I would die, but I pushed myself to do it. I wasn’t doing it for anyone as much as I was doing it for myself. Maybe I felt like I had something to prove, but mostly its just the motivation I get from all the people around me that keep me encouraged. Also, the better I feel the more it pushes me to do better so I can keep feeling better and better.
Today (Thursday) was my second class. Oh boy was it a different experience from my first class. First off, between Tuesday and today I have realized how many more muscles I have in my body than I thought I had. I was having muscle pains deep in places I didn’t know muscles existed! I mean it hurt to sit on the darn toilet! HAHA I dragged myself out of bed at 5am feeling the burn of most of my major muscle groups. I got to class and got ready and was feeling pretty good until I saw the list of things we were going to do. Thankful the 25 degree weather made her cancel the outdoor run! We do a warm up and straight into 4 rounds of about 10 different exercises. I modify some things like jumping jacks and jump rope. I am not comfortable jumping just yet. I do all the arm motions and just kinda hop from one foot to another. The part where things started to get hairy was when we were doing a move called the Bird Dog. Problem with that is I, for some reason, have a massive amount of pain in my knees when I try to kneel on the floor. It’s not a structural issue. It just like my knees are supper tender and sensitive. And my left knee is worse than the right. The first time around I knew this was going to be rough. It hurt so bad. I barely did any. Now here comes round two and the thought of getting down on my knees was giving me anxiety. Yall, if you don’t know me, I am a crier. When my emotions get extreme in any direction I cry and while everyone else got down on the floor I just stood there and cried. I know. It’s horrible, but its me and who I am. It took me most of the day to truly figure out why I cried. Yes, it was partly due to how bad i knew it was going to hurt, but it was more than that. It was frustrations, emotions, memories. It was a little bit of everything all rolled into one. I was frustrated that I am struggling. I deal with the crazy emotions of this journey that I am on. Huffing and puffing brings back a lot of bad memories of living a life at 400 lbs. So I think when I had all that coming down on me at the same time it was just overwhelming.
I pushed through it and finished the workout and felt proud of myself. Proud that I overcame the pain to even show up to day 2. I was proud that I could do more in this class than I ever thought possible. Proud that I am taking charge of my life. I am just proud of me!
One other crazy cool thing is I did the Hand Walkout exercise. Like, if anyone ever asked me if I could do that I would straight look at them like they were crazy, but yall, I did it. I did it four times and didn’t fall over and was able to get back up!
Being on this journey and hearing from people that are following me is so wonderful. My friend’s sister commented on a previous post that she was motivated by me. Yall, that’s it. That right there is why I went way out of my comfort zone to share my story. I was scared as heck the first time I shared my weight, but it is something I knew I wanted to share. My hope is that I can share my story and help people. If I can help someone else take their first step on their own journey then it makes every tear, every drop of sweat, every hard moment worth it. I know that this is what the Savior wants me to do. By putting my focus on helping others I am doing two things. I am doing what the Lord wants me to do and I am helping myself all at the same time. I truly believe that when we care and love and nurture others that it helps us to see our own lives in a better way.
In my church we study out of the Bible and the Book of Mormon. A scripture from the Book of Mormon comes to mind.
And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when you are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.Book of Mormon Mosiah Chapter 2 Verse 17
Knowing that I am doing the Lords work is one of the driving forces behind who I am as a person and to know that I am getting my body into a shape that will allow me to do more and more of that is exciting.