This journey, for me, is physical, mental, and emotional. All three journeys will be uniquely different, but the end results will all tie together. I would first like to talk about the physical journey and why the mountain is my happy place.
I regularly go to counseling to help with my depression and PTSD. Part of the therapy requires one to pick their happy spot. My therapist has her clients do this because EMDR therapy can be hard and when you need to take a break, it is helpful to be able to close your eyes and go to your happy place to help ease your anxiety. When I was deciding about where my happy place was, I knew I needed one that would make me happy to SEE and make me happy because of how it made me FEEL. As I sat there in the chair and thought about it I immediately knew where that place was going to be.
A little backstory is needed. When I was 19, a friend and I moved to Utah. She just wanted to go and I wanted to have a place to run away to. To get away from my life. We lived with her Aunt until we both were able to find jobs and find an apartment. We ended up in Provo, just south of the BYU campus. Overall, it was the best 2 years of my life. Utah is beautiful and my spiritual self was strengthened. I got to do many fun things and see so many neat places. I had a great group of friends who were all very active in the outdoors. I even bought myself a mountain bike at one point. Well, one day they said they were going to hike to the Y. The Y, if you don’t know, is a huge Y painted on the side of the mountain right there next to BYU. It has trails and anyone can hike up to the Y. I was scared to do it, but more scared to say no. I went, thinking with every step, that I was going to die! I can still feel the pain in my legs and how I tried to hide that I was completely out of breath.
We were high up on the mountain and I was scared to look out and was desperate to sit down. I found myself a nice smooth rock to sit on and as I sat down and looked out over the valley, I lost what little breath I had left. It was beautiful. And from up here I could see just how far up I had gone. I had done it. I climbed a mountain! I did it. I did it despite the fear and the reward was simply out of this world.
So, this is MY happy place because what I saw and how I felt will be things I never forget and isn’t the irony simply amazing. I am climbing a mountain right now. I am fighting a battle to save my life. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I decided I need to hike that mountain again and show myself and the people that I care for that I can do it. That I can fight off every insecurity and fear that I have running through my aching bones and make that climb again.